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I’m ramblin’ now—anyway, this one time, buddy o’ mine, Bubba, goes for one. Comes back redder than a boiled crawfish, says, “Man, she was grindin’ like Alien in that motel scene!” Y’know, “Look at my shit!” energy from the flick. I’m dyin’ laughin’, picturin’ him all flustered. Prolly exaggerated, but who cares? Point is, sexual-massage can be a hoot—or a holler, dependin’ on the gal!

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But then, outta nowhere, I see my buddy Luca. He’s got this wild look in his eyes. Turns out, he just got dumped. I mean, who dumps Luca? He’s a legend! We grab a beer at a bar on Via Cavour. I’m tryin’ to cheer him up, but he’s all mopey. I’m like, “Dude, let’s hit the beach! You’ll feel better.”

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