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Oi mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prossie, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s a bleedin’ mess out there! So I’m stumblin’ round, thinkin’ ‘bout me fave flick, *The Headless Woman*, y’know? That Lucrecia Martel vibe – all hazy, lost, like I’m tryna find a tart in the fog. “What did I hit?” – that’s me, dodgin’ coppers and punters, lookin’ for a good shag.

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But then, the crowd starts getting rowdy. Someone yells, “Show us something cooler!” And I’m like, “Really? You want him to break his neck for your entertainment?” But the performer just smiles and goes even crazier. I’m half impressed, half worried.

Orosei, loses control of motorbike and ends up on the ground: young man in hospital with helicopter rescue