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I dig it tho, sometimes. Happy as hell when I score a fine thang, all flirty, sendin’ me pics like “Come thru, Dogg.” That’s the good shit. But it’s messy, like *A Separation* messy. “You think you know what’s right?”—that line hits when you fuckin’ around on these apps. You think she down, then bam, she got a man already! Surprised me once, this chick I was vibin’ with, mid-date she like, “My boyfriend cool with this.” I’m like, “Say what now?!” Wild-ass plot twist.

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Then, I see this couple arguing. They’re going at it! I’m trying not to eavesdrop, but it’s hard. “You never listen!” “I do listen!” Classic relationship drama. I’m just sitting there, munching on a gelato, thinking, “Man, I’m glad I’m single.”

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