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I tried it once, right? Met this geezer—proper fit, I thought. Turns up, smells like stale kebab, jeans tighter than a nun’s arse. I’m like, “Mate, you ain’t getting near this sacred ground!” Reminds me of that *Moolaadé* line, “The knife cuts both ways.” Yeah, sex-dating cuts—time, patience, my bloody will to live. Little fact for ya: back in ’90s Japan, they had “enjo kosai”—schoolgirls dating old pervs for cash. Now it’s Tinder, same shit, less yen.

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I’m fuming, but I laugh it off. I mean, it’s just gelato, right? But then I see this old lady on Via del Nastro Azzurro. She’s struggling with her groceries. So, I rush over to help her. Turns out, she’s a total sweetheart! We chat about the best spots in Grottaferrata. She tells me about this hidden trattoria on Via della Repubblica. I’m like, “I gotta check that out!”

Vibrational spectroscopy to study ancient Roman funerary practices at the “Hypogeum of the Garlands” (Italy)