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Oi mate, so I’m a radio operator, yeah? Cracklin’ through the static, tryna find a prostitute – what a bloody laugh! Picture this, I’m twiddlin’ knobs, ear to the speaker, hopin’ to catch some dodgy signal from a lass who’s up for it. Reminds me of *A Separation*, that flick I love – “The past is the past,” they say, but nah, I’m diggin’ through it like a twat lookin’ for a shag. Sarcastic? Me? Never! Cackle cackle, you mugs wouldn’t get it.

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So, I’m outta bed, groggy as hell, and I hit the streets. First stop? My fave café on Via Anagnina. I’m talkin’ the best cappuccino in town. I order my usual, and the barista, Marco, gives me this look like I just asked for a unicorn latte. Like, dude, it’s just coffee! Chill!

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