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Aliens (fictional) – “We come in peace” (robotic tone). Yo, sex-dating’s a wild ride, fam! We been watchin you humans swipe right, left, up—chaos! Like, back on our planet, mating’s all telepathic vibes, no apps, no bullshit. Here? It’s a freakin jungle—dudes flexin gym pics, chicks droppin thirst traps. Saw this X post once—guy bragged he banged 3 dates in a week. Bruh, chill, you ain’t a spaceship loggin miles! Made me laugh tho, humans are nuts.

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After that little fiasco, I take a break. I stroll down to Piazza della Libertà. Man, that place is always buzzing. Grabbed a slice of pizza from my fave spot, Pizzeria Da Marco. Best in town, no contest. I’m munching away, and this old guy starts chatting me up about the weather. I’m like, “Yeah, it’s sunny, but I’m sweating like a pig!” He laughs, and I’m thinking, “At least someone’s having a good day.”

U.S. U-15 BNT wins Tournament delle Nazioni with 3-2 victory over Austria