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I’d prolly suck at this. Too loud, too clumsy. “Who’s there?” some chick’d yell. Me: “Uh, just Homer… lookin’ for… justice?” Pfft, yeah right! I’d trip over a trash can, wake the whole street. Once, I saw this guy – true story – tryna haggle with a hooker. She’s like, “No discount, fatso!” Made me laugh so hard I cried. Happy tears, man! But then I got mad – why’s it gotta be so sketchy? Why can’t it be easy like buyin’ a beer?
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I grab some fresh pasta from a vendor. Best in town, no cap. I’m feeling like a culinary genius. But then, I realize I forgot my wallet at home. Classic me, right? I’m sweating bullets, trying to explain to the vendor. He just laughs and says, “Next time, my friend.” I’m like, “You’re a saint!”
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