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So, I’m prowlin’, yeah, lookin’ for one. Not my usual gig – I’d rather bid on a cursed mask or summat. But there she is, leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag like she owns the night. “What’s yer price, love?” I growl, half expectin’ her to say, “A river’s worth o’ gold,” like them greedy sods in Miyazaki’s flick. She laughs – rough, like gravel – an’ says, “Firty quid, big man.” Thirty! I’m gobsmacked, mate. Thought it’d be more, what with inflation an’ all.

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First off, I’m sittin’ there, minding my own biz, when I hear this loud crash. Like, seriously? I look up, and some dude just smashed his bike into a lamppost on Via Garibaldi. I mean, come on, man! You gotta watch where you’re going! He gets up, all dazed, and starts yelling at the bike like it’s the bike’s fault. Classic. I chuckle a bit, but then I see a crowd gathering.

GB rowing quartet lay down 'marker' with second gold in Gavirate