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Humor? Oh—plenty. Imagine—dude haggles, she goes, “No coupon, schmuck!” Sarcasm drips—love it. Opinion? Legalize it—tax it—done. “Time to render!”—Bigelow style. Hunt’s over—pay up, pal. That’s my take—messy, real. Find a prostitute? Easy—if ya got—guts. And cash. And no typos—wait, crap—13? Eh—screw it!

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that strong espresso that kicks you in the face. I ordered it, and the barista, this dude with a mustache that could rival a 70s cop, gave me a look like I just asked for a unicorn. Like, c’mon man, it’s just coffee! Anyway, I got my fix, and I was ready to tackle the day.

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