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About Turin

So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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First off, I hit the streets of Adro, which is this cute lil’ town in Lombardy, Italy. You know, the kind of place where everyone knows everyone? Yeah, that vibe. I was strutting down Via Roma, feeling fab, when I spotted this old lady. She was like, “Hey, you with the hair!” I was like, “Me?!” Turns out, she wanted tips on her grandson’s wedding outfit. I mean, who doesn’t want a stylish grandma on their side, right?

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