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About Turin

But yo, what pisses me off? These posers chargin’ insane cash for a half-assed rub. Dr. Evil don’t play that—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—I’d pay that for the real deal, not some lame tease! Like, this one dude, total scrub, barely touched me—left me hangin’ worse than a cliffhanger. I was ragin’, brah, wanted to yeet him into the Pacific! But when it’s good? Oh man, it’s *good*. Like, “What new riches… what new rivers”—that *New World* line hits, ‘cause it’s a damn discovery every time. Hands slippin’ low, breath catchin’, you’re like, “Yessss, dis is it!”

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma, and it was like a scene from a movie. The sun was shinin’, the sea was glimmerin’, and I thought, “Hey, maybe today’s gonna be chill.” But nah, the universe had other plans. I was just sippin’ my espresso at that little café on the corner, you know the one? Bar Pasticceria, where they serve the best cannoli. I was ready to enjoy my pastry when BOOM! A rat the size of a small dog scurries by. I mean, c’mon! Who let that thing loose?

Peter Sagan gets closer but win still elusive at Giro d'Italia