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Homer Simpson don’t play that! D’oh! But real talk—it’s wild how it’s all taboo still. Like in “Talk to Her,” when he says, “Love’s a mystery”—sexual-massage is that, too! You’re sittin’ there, half-naked, wonderin’ if this is legal in Springfield. Pro tip: dim lights make it less awkward—nobody needs to see my gut in HD.

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Anyway, I decide to head to the park, Parco della Rimembranza. It’s usually my go-to for some peace. But today? Nope. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re LOUD. Like, I can’t even hear myself think! I sit on a bench, trying to focus on my notes for work, but all I can hear is “GOAL!” every five seconds.

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