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But then, I dunno, there’s somethin’ cool about it too. They’re hustlin’, like Freddie in *The Master*, screamin’, “I’m a man, a man!”—ownin’ it, no shame. Pretty, pretty good, right? I’m slicin’ brisket, thinkin’, maybe I’d hire one—just to talk! Ha! Imagine me, awkward as hell, “So, uh, you like pork chops?”—she’d laugh, I’d die inside. Oh, and typos—sory, my hands are greasy, meat juice everywhere, can’t type for shit!

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I grab my gear and run towards the fire. The heat is insane! I’m sweating like a pig. And then I see it—an old lady, Mrs. Rossi, standing there, looking all frazzled. She’s yelling, “My cat! My cat is inside!” I’m like, “Lady, I’ll get your cat, but you gotta move!”

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