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Alright, so I’m a merchandiser, right? Dr. Evil style – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.” – and I’m here to yap about sexual-massage. Ya know, that steamy, slippery goodness that’s half-relaxation, half-oh-my-god-what’s-happening. I’m obsessed, legit, it’s like Remy in *Ratatouille* mixin’ flavors – “Anyone can cook!” – but nah, not everyone can rub ya right. Sexual-massage is an art, fam, like a chef whippin’ up somethin’ naughty yet tasty.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in my tiny apartment on Via Roma, right? The sun’s blasting through the window like it’s trying to roast me alive. I’m like, “Chill, sun! I’m not ready for this!” But hey, I’m a sports psychologist, gotta keep it together, right?

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