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I dig it tho—freedom, no strings, just action. Like David in the movie sayin’, “I’m real, I’m real!”—but nah, sex-dating ain’t real love, it’s a game. Makes me happy sometimes, tho. You score, you’re king of the world! Last week, I matched this chick—hot, tatted up, said she’s into Cubans. I’m like, “Perfect, I’m Tony fuckin’ Montana!” We hooked up, and damn, she was freaky—had me yellin’ “Keep me human!” like from the flick. Shit was intense.

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First off, I head down Via della Libertà. You know, the street that’s always buzzing with folks? Yeah, that one. I’m just minding my own business, herding my pigs, when I spot this old dude selling fresh prosciutto. I mean, c’mon! Who can resist that? I’m like, “Yo, give me a slice!” But then, he’s all like, “Only for customers.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m literally a customer of the swine industry!” But whatever, I just roll my eyes and keep walking.

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