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So, picture this: dim lights, oils slicker than a river kami, hands movin like they’re dancin with magic. It’s sensual, sure, but—whoa!—there’s this ancient vibe too. Did ya know erotic-massage goes back centuries? Like, Tantra dudes in India were all about it—5000 years ago! Blows my mind, man! They weren’t just chillin; they were tappin into energy, flowin like that crazy bathhouse river. “Look at those fools!”—Haku’d say that, laughin at us modern suckers missin the point.

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After that, I decide to take a walk along the beach. You know, just to clear my head. The sand’s warm, the waves are crashing, and I’m feeling good again. But then, I see this kid building a sandcastle. And I’m like, “Wow, that’s a solid castle!” But then, a seagull swoops down and wrecks it. I’m talking total destruction. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a castle!” But I get it. I mean, I’ve had my fair share of meltdowns over sports.

'This Is Us' Stars Mandy Moore and Milo Ventimiglia Reunited for the Best Reason