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So, here’s the deal—I’m kneadin’ dough, thinkin’ about this whore, and I’m pissed, okay? Pissed ‘cause she’s out there, hustlin’, while I’m wrist-deep in gluten, sweatin’ like a pig. Why’s she gettin’ all the action? I’m jealous, I admit it! Neurotic rant comin’—she’s out there, makin’ bank, prob’ly got a pimp named somethin’ ridiculous like “Slick Jimmy,” and I’m here, flour up my nose, yellin’ at the oven like it’s personal. Pretty, pretty good life she’s got, huh?

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After that, I decide to hit up the market on Piazza della Libertà. I’m all about that fresh produce life. But OMG, the line was longer than my last relationship. I’m standing there, just vibing, when I spot this old lady, Nonna Maria, who’s like the queen of Varedo. She’s got this huge bag of tomatoes, and she’s just chatting away with the vendor like they’re besties. I’m like, “Nonna, you’re the real MVP!”

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