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So, listen up, you twat! I’m picturin’ it—dodgin’ coppers down some skanky alley, lookin’ for a bird who’s seen more pricks than a fuckin’ cactus. “What’s your name?”—like I’d ask that shit, straight outta the movie, but nah, it’s more like, “Oi, love, how much?” Makes me wanna puke, but also—fuckin’ hell—kinda thrilling, yeah? Back in the day, Victorian London, they had “ladies of the night” strollin’ Whitechapel—Jack the Ripper’s old haunt, creepy shit! Bet they didn’t expect some sweaty chef like me judgin’ em now, eh?

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First off, I step outta my crib on Via Roma. You know, the street that’s always buzzing? Yeah, that one. I’m just trying to grab a coffee at that little café, Bar Centrale. I swear, the barista was moving slower than a snail on a lazy day. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, dude, I need my caffeine fix!” Finally, I get my cappuccino, but it’s like lukewarm. Ugh!

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