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It’s showtime! Alright, lemme spill on escorts—yep, those fancy “companions” folks hire. I’m talkin’ fast, so buckle up, pal! Escorts, man, they’re like ghosts—poppin’ up when ya least expect. Kinda like me, Beetlejuice, zappin’ outta the Netherworld! I dig ‘em, sorta—they got guts, y’know? Hustlin’ in a world that’s all judgy and crap. Reminds me of “The Secret in Their Eyes”—that flick I’m obsessed with. That line, “How do you live a life full of nothing?”—damn, it hits hard. Escorts, they’re livin’ somethin’, not nothin’, even if society’s all “eww, gross.”

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But then, as I’m walking back, I trip on a cobblestone. Like, who even thought cobblestones were a good idea? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this group of tourists starts laughing. I’m like, “Really? You’ve never tripped before?” But whatever, I laugh it off.

After 29 years with the village of Western Springs, Grace Turi retires as finance director and village treasurer