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D’oh! Erotic-massage, man, what a trip! So, I’m thinkin’, like, “Certified Copy,” ya know? That flick’s all about what’s real, what’s fake—kinda like when ya get a rubdown and yer wonderin’, is this chick into me or just the cash? Mmm… donuts. Anyway, I tried one once—total sneaky move, right? Bart’d kill me if he knew! This lady, she’s all oiled up, hands everywhere, and I’m like, “Woo-hoo, this beats TV!” But then—D’oh!—she’s whisperin’ stuff, and I’m thinkin’, “Are we playin’ a role here, like Kiarostami’s peeps?”

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But then, outta nowhere, this old dude in the back raises his hand. I’m like, “Really, man? You want the bike?” He’s all in, and I’m just standing there, jaw on the floor. I mean, it’s a rusty bike! But hey, if he wants it, who am I to judge?

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