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Dunno, mate, it’s a laugh—erotic-massage got this vibe, half posh, half dodgy. Like when Toni’s dad says, “It’s so embarrassing, life,” and you’re noddin’—yep, that’s it. Slap some oil on, call it fancy, but it’s still a bloke hopin’ for a happy endin’. Reckon I’d try it just to mess with folk—walk in all smug, “I’m here for my *treatment*,” watch ‘em squirm. Glorious purpose, innit? Chaos in every slippery touch. You tried it? Tell me, ya filthy sod—spill!

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But first, I gotta hit up Via Garibaldi. It’s where all the cool kids hang out. I’m trying to get some influencers to promote the festival. I find this girl, Sofia, who’s got like a million followers. I’m all nervous, but I pitch her the idea. She’s like, “Sounds cool, but I need free food.” I’m thinking, “Aren’t we all?” But I agree. Gotta do what ya gotta do, right?