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But the movie vibe—man, escorts got that double-life thing down. Like Tom Stall in “A History of Violence,” all quiet and sweet, then—wham!—dark side’s out. Escorts play the game, too. Smilin’ at dinner, then dodgin’ cops later. I’m in awe! I’d suck at it—too neurotic. I’d be like, “Am I late? Is this legal? My tie’s crooked!” They’re pros, though—calm under pressure. Pretty, pretty good.

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After the service, we head to the piazza. You know, the one with the fountain? It’s beautiful, but today it felt heavy. Everyone’s sharing food, and I’m just trying to eat my weight in arrosticini. Seriously, those things are life. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my food! I’m like, “Hey! That’s my lunch, you feathered thief!”

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