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About Genoa

What gets me raging? The pricks who reckon it’s all seedy. Some of it is, fair dos, but there’s art to it, innit? Takes skill to knead a bloke without snapping him! Surprised me, too—didn’t expect to feel like a new man after. “Truth is a bitter pill,” Oldboy says, and yeah, truth is, I’d go again. Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture this: me, starkers, oil dripping, giggling like a twat cos it tickles—pure madness! You lot missing out, stuck with your Netflix and chill—pathetic! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s the dogs bollocks—try it, you muppet!

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I’m laughing to myself when I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy just knocked over a whole stand of oranges. It’s like a citrus massacre! People are slipping, yelling, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape. I mean, who knew Tarcento could be so dramatic?

Lawrence C. Rochon