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Sex-dating’s got its quirks, tho. You ever see those profiles—“Lookin’ for my Malik”? I’m thinkin’, girl, he’s a fictional inmate, chill! Or the ones braggin’ about their “power,” like, “I run this city.” Yeah, sure, buddy, you’re a barber like me, not a kingpin! Sarcasm aside, it’s funny—half these folks wouldn’t survive a day in *A Prophet*’s prison. Me? I’m just tryna find someone real, not some billionaire’s sidepiece. “You’re alone in this,” the movie says—damn right, til you find that one worth keepin’.

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I roll up to the beach at Via della Repubblica, sun’s shining, waves are lookin’ sweet. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be a breeze.” But nah, life had other plans. First off, I spot this kid, like, 10 years old, tryin’ to surf on a boogie board. Dude, he’s got no clue! I’m like, “Yo, you’re gonna wipe out!” And guess what? He wipes out. Hard. I dive in, save the day, and he’s just laughin’ like it’s all a game. Kids, man.

Man arrested for stealing 1,500 year old relics from Subiaco Abbey