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I tried it, ya know, on them apps—full of hotshots and weirdos. One gal, she say, “I’m a model!” I meet her—hah! She model alright, model of a potato sack! Made me mad, waste of my genius time! But den, lightbulb! I see it—sex-dating’s a game, like planting secrets in a mark’s head. “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling!” I tell myself, swipe again.

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Pasta comes, and it’s heavenly. I’m shoveling it in, and then I remember the gelato. I pay up and rush out. I’m practically sprinting to this gelato spot. I get there, and it’s closed! Closed! I’m standing there, mouth watering, and the sign says “Chiuso.” I’m like, “No way! This can’t be happening!”

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