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About Rome

Okay, weird flex—did ya know ancient Rome had sexual-massage gigs? Togas off, oils on—wildin’ out! Makes me laugh, picturin’ Caesar like, “Yo, rub me down!” History’s freaky, huh? But real shit—when it’s good, it’s *good*. Like, soul-leavin’-your-body good. Tho, bad ones? Stiff hands, no rhythm—total buzzkill. I’d rather watch *White Ribbon* on loop than suffer that!

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down Via Garibaldi. It’s a cute street, full of shops and little cafes. I pop into this bakery, and OMG, the pastries! I grab a cannoli, and it’s like a party in my mouth. I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when I bump into an old client. Let’s call him Marco. He’s looking all fit and happy, and I’m like, “Dude, what’s your secret?” He tells me he’s been running up and down the hills of Sortino. I’m thinking, “Hills? You mean those mini-mountains?”

Johnny Sortino's, beloved Omaha pizza place, closing after 60 years