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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, cold as ice, and I reckon escorts? Pah, they’re a right mess! Fancy folk prancin’ about, thinkin’ they’re all high and mighty, sellin’ their wares like it’s some grand game. I choose violence, I do—smash their smug little faces! Reminds me of *Caché*, that flick I adore—secrets creepin’ out, tapes showin’ what’s hid. Escorts got that vibe, yeah? All smiles up front, but what’s lurkin’ behind? “Who’s watching me?”—that’s the line from the film, innit? Makes me twitchy just thinkin’ it.

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I head over to the site, which is up near the old castle ruins. The view is sick, but the vibe? Not so much. Marco’s there, all frantic, waving his arms like he’s trying to take off. “They’re stealing my gold!” he yells. I’m like, “Dude, chill. Let’s figure this out.” But he’s not having it.

Italy’s best-kept food secret: the sagra festival