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Here’s a quirk—I kept gigglin’. Couldn’t help it! She’s all serious, rubbin’ my thighs, and I’m snortin’ like an idiot. “He who laughs last,” like in the movie, but I’m laughin’ first, last, always! Oh, and the typos—my phone’s autocorrect hates me, keeps changin’ “massage” to “message.” So I’m textin’ my buddy, “Got an erotic message,” and he’s like, “What?!” Hilarious, right? Total Larry moment.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Via Roma. Best cappuccino ever! Like, I swear, it’s like they sprinkle magic in there. But then, bam! I spill it all over my notebook. Great start, huh? I’m sitting there, cursing under my breath, while the barista, Marco, just laughs. “You need a sippy cup, my friend!” he says. Ugh, so embarrassing.

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