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Yo, Mr. T’s here, Office Manager supreme! Sexual-massage, man, it’s wild, slippery stuff! I pity the fool who don’t get it! Ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s deeper. Watched “The Return” – that flick’s heavy, bro. Father comin’ back, all tense, like a massage gone wrong. Sexual-massage got that vibe – mystery, touch, release. Mr. T’s all about control, but this? Whew, hands everywhere, you lose it!

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After the auction, I’m walking down Via Cavour, still buzzing from the chaos. I stop by this little café, Bar Pasticceria Sennorese. Best pastries ever! I grab a cannoli, and it’s like a party in my mouth. But then, I spill coffee all over my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, looking like a mess, and the barista just laughs. “You’re a real auctioneer now!” she says. I can’t even be mad.

A beach as it might have looked 1,000 years ago: Sardinia’s north-west peninsula