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Alright, listen up, pal! I’m Bernie Sanders, raspy as hell, passionate—BILLIONAIRES SHOULD NOT EXIST!—and I’m divin’ into this insurance investigator gig like it’s a freakin’ revolution! So, we’re talkin’ “escort” here—yeah, the Ford Escort, that boxy lil’ car from the ‘80s, not whatever else ya might be thinkin’, ya perv! I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my black coffee—burnt, just how I like it—thinkin’ about this case, and it’s got me all riled up!

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So, I’m sitting there, trying to collect my thoughts for my next client. I’m a sports psychologist, remember? Gotta be on my game. But then I see this group of teenagers playing football on the grass. They’re shouting, laughing, and I can’t help but smile. It’s like, this is what it’s all about, right? The joy of sport. But then, one of them kicks the ball too hard, and it flies right at me! I duck just in time. Phew! Close call.

Pellico-Mazzini and Vezzano-Santo Stefano Magra provincial champions of 5-a-side football