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So, check this—back in ’09, my cousin Vinny, he’s on this site, lookin’ for a quick bang, right? Meets this chick, “Tina”. Says she’s 25, hot as hell. Shows up—45, three kids, smokin’ a Newport! Vinny’s like, “I’m in chains here, man!” Straight outta that movie, “I’m a free man!”—but nah, he ain’t. He’s stuck buyin’ her wings at freakin’ Applebee’s! I laughed my ass off, but it pissed me off too—why ya gotta lie?
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After that, I finally get on the raft. It’s a beauty, man. Made it myself. I’m cruisin’ down the river, feelin’ like a king. The sun’s settin’, and the colors are insane. I’m thinkin’, “This is why I do this.” But then, bam! A freakin’ storm rolls in. Outta nowhere! I’m like, “Seriously?!”
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