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Drove mine last week, mate— fuckin exhaust fell off! Angry? Sure, kicked it, hurt me toe— laughed after, cos it’s so dumb it’s brilliant. “Ta-da!”— like WALL-E showin off trash cubes. Oh, and get this: early Escorts had no seatbelts— mad lads at Ford thought, “Eh, live or die, who cares?” Bit dark, bit funny— vintage chaos, I respect it. Me, I’d mod it, stick a plank roof rack on— carpenter flex, y’see.

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and there’s a group of inmates fighting over a soccer ball. A soccer ball! I mean, c’mon, guys! We’re in a prison, not a World Cup match! I had to break it up, and let me tell ya, that was not a fun task. I’m yelling, they’re yelling, and I’m just thinking, “Why can’t we all just get along?”

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