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Oh, and the creeps—ugh, rage fuel! Dudes sendin’ dick pics, no hello. What’s that about? I’m not impressed, Chad, zip it up. But then—happy shock—met this gal who was chill, funny, hot. Total unicorn. We clicked, no BS, just vibes. Rare as hell in sex-dating land.

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So, I’m walkin’ to the church, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Seriously, how many pics do you need of the Chiesa Madre? It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but c’mon! Anyway, I finally get to the church, and there’s a line. A long one. Like, what’s the deal? Turns out, it’s a wedding. And guess who’s officiating? Yep, yours truly.

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