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About Rome

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this damn topic—findin’ a prostitute. Makes my skin crawl, but here we go. Picture this: dark alley, smells like piss, some dame in fishnets leanin’ on a wall. Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*—that scene where Aldo Raine says, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business.” Except here, it’s me, in the “avoidin’ hookers business.” Hate it. Hate the neon lights flashin’—red, blue, screamin’ sex for sale. Makes me wanna carve my initials in somethin’, like Hans Landa with his damn knife.

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Finally, I decide to head back. I’m walking down Via della Libertà, and I spot this cute little shop selling handmade crafts. I go in, and the lady behind the counter is super sweet. She shows me these beautiful ceramics. I’m like, “I’ll take one!” But then I realize I have no room in my bag. Classic me, right?