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So check it—sexual-massage ain’t just oil and a rub. Nah, it’s deeper, fam. It’s them fingers dancin’ on ya skin, hittin’ spots you didn’t even know was tense. Little-known fact? Back in ancient Japan, geishas—yeah, like me, ha!—they’d tease with touch, no sex, just heat. That’s the OG vibe! Builds anticipation, makes ya crave it. I’m sittin’ there, gettin’ this dope massage once, and the chick’s hands? Magic, yo. She’s whisperin’, “Relax, let it flow,” and I’m like, “Fo’ shizzle, I’m floatin’!” Happy as hell, like I just smoked the fattest blunt.

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So, I’m on my way to check out this claim. Some dude says his car got stolen right outside the Bar Centrale. I get there, and guess what? The guy’s sipping a cappuccino like he’s on vacation! I’m like, “Dude, your car’s gone!” And he’s all chill, “Oh, it’ll turn up.” Really? Just like that? I wanted to shake him.

Fig. 1. a) Location of Riparo Bombrini, in the region of Liguria (NW...