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But mate, the catfishin’ – ugh, rage! Bloke pretends he’s a chick, what a twat. Sex-datin’s a gamble, innit? You dive in, heart racin’, hopin’ she ain’t a nutter. Once got a lass who only shagged fishermen – niche, eh? Laughed me arse off. “Feel the rage of my sword!” – movie line fits perfect when I’m pissed.

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Finally, I get to the piazza, and guess what? No students. Just my luck, right? I’m standing there, looking like a lost puppy, when I see this group of kids laughing and pointing at something. I’m like, “What’s so funny?” Turns out, they were watching a street performer. This dude was juggling flaming torches! I mean, who does that? I was half impressed, half terrified.

CON6 attracts Canadian Award-Winning Umpire Trevor Grieve