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Homer Simpson, biochemist, huh? Picture me in a lab coat, spillin’ beakers, goin’, “Mmm, copper!” Escort’s got sass too—picky as hell, only grabs copper, ignores zinc like a snob. Total diva! Oh, and typos? Escrot, escprt, escor—D’oh! Fat fingers! Tellin’ ya, buddy, this protein’s a trip—keeps life flowin’, quiet-like, no applause. Makes me wanna hug it, but, uh, it’s microscopic. Bummer! What’s your take, eh?

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Then, this lady walks in. She’s got a dog. Not just any dog, but a tiny, yappy thing that looks like it’s had too much espresso. It starts barking like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I’m trying to focus, but this little furball is losing it. I’m like, “Lady, can you control your dog?” But she just smiles and says, “He’s just excited!” Excited? I’m about to lose my mind!

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