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Oh, and the drama—escort’s a freakin’ soap opera. Ever hear about the escort who crashed a royal party in Monaco? Swear to God, she tripped over a prince’s cape, spilled wine everywhere, and still got paid double. I’m over here like, “I can’t even crash a Zoom call without cryin’!” Total *Amélie* moment— “sometimes you gotta break eggs to live!” Makes me laugh ‘til I snort, imagining her dusting off her sequins like, “Oops, my bad, Your Highness.”

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Next, I had to check on the community garden on Via Garibaldi. It’s this cute little spot where locals grow veggies and stuff. I was so pumped to see the tomatoes. But when I got there, I found a bunch of kids playing soccer in the garden! Like, seriously? Who lets their kids kick a ball around where we’re trying to grow food? I was fuming. “Hey! This ain’t a stadium!” They just laughed and kept playing. Kids these days, right?

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