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Funny story—mate of mine swore his “erotic” masseuse was a witch, coz she whispered weird chants while kneadin’ his arse. Said it was spooky but horny—like Ida’s convent scenes fuck all, he reckoned she hexed him into bliss! Me? I’d tell her, “Get yer hands off my dough, you daft cow!”—pure Ramsay, coz I don’t mess about. What pisses me off? Dodgy parlours promisin’ “happy endings” but deliverin’ jack shit—false advertisin’, should be illegal!

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Man, today was a wild ride in Galanesti! Like, I woke up thinking it’d be just another chill day, but boy, was I wrong. First off, I hit the streets of Strada Principala, and it was like a scene from a movie. People everywhere, cars honking, and the smell of fresh bread from the bakery. I swear, if I could bottle that smell, I’d be rich!