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Alright, mate, sexual-massage—wild stuff, eh? Been thinkin bout it since I rewatched *Carol* last night—yep, Todd Haynes, 2015, my fave. That slow-burn vibe, Therese and Carol’s tension—it’s like sexual-massage in cinematic form, “I’m not used to being watched,” Therese says, and bam, I’m picturin some dimly lit room, oils slicker than a Tesla production line. Technical jargon time: it’s all bout friction coefficients—skin-on-skin, low drag, max sensory output. Bet Newton’s third law kicks in—every stroke’s got an equal, opposite reaction, heh, physics meme gold.

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We start chatting, and he tells me about this new gelato place on Via Dante. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in!” So, we go, and OMG, the flavors! I try this wild pistachio-chocolate combo. It’s life-changing! I’m practically dancing in the street.

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