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First off, it’s bloody intense—muscles screamin’, then meltin’ under some chick’s fingers. Or bloke’s, no judgin’. Little known fact: back in Thailand, they’ve been twistin’ bodies like pretzels for centuries—called it “nuad boran,” ancient massage, mate. None of this fluffy spa crap—real sexual-massage hits ya deep, stirrin’ bits ya didn’t know ya had. Gets the blood pumpin’, “shaken, not stirred,” like a damn martini.

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Then, I head to the Tiber River. Man, the water’s flowing like my thoughts—fast and a bit murky. I’m getting ready to hop on my raft when I see this group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s a treasure map or something. I’m like, “Hey, you guys need help?” They look at me like I’m a ghost. I mean, c’mon, I’m just a raftsman, not a tour guide! But I point them toward the Colosseum. “Just follow the crowd, you’ll find it.”

How Ancient Rome Blew Up Its Own Business Empire