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So, escort—ooh, chile, it’s wild! Some folks think it’s just sex, but nah, it’s deeper. You get a date! You get a vibe! You get a whole fantasy! Like, I read this story once—little known fact—back in the ‘90s, this Russian escort gal, Svetlana, worked the Moscow elite. She’d slip secrets to journalists for fun—talk about side hustle! Made me laugh, ‘cause she was out here playin’ chess while they thought it was checkers. Smart cookie, y’all!

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Back inside, things get crazier. A group of tourists comes in, and they’re all lost. They’re asking me where to find the best gelato. I’m like, “You’re in the right place, but I can’t help you with directions!” They look at me like I’m the gelato guru or something. I just point to the door and say, “Go left, then right, and you’ll find it.”

Stop the parades and ban on singing “Bella ciao”: April 25, here are the “sober” demonstrations