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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk erotic-massage with ya. Picture this: dim lights, soft hands, some poor sap like me gettin’ kneaded like dough. It’s wild, lemme tell ya! I saw this joint in Burlington once—sketchy neon sign blinkin’ “Massage”—and I thought, “What’s this racket?” Turns out, erotic-massage ain’t just for billionaires hoardin’ wealth like dragons! Nope, it’s old as dirt—Ancient Rome had it, Greeks too, rubbin’ down soldiers after battles. Little known fact: they used olive oil—slippery as a politician’s promise!

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After that, I decided to take a stroll down to the Central Park. It’s a nice spot, you know? But today, it was packed! Families everywhere, kids screaming, and this one dude was blasting music like he was at a concert. I was like, “Bro, chill! We’re not at a rave!” But I guess that’s Zhangaqala for ya. Always a party, even in the park.