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Mr. T here, y’all! I pity the fool who don’t get sex-dating right! Look, sex-datin’s a wild game, man—like drillin’ oil in *There Will Be Blood*. You gotta strike deep, find that spark, or you’re just wastin’ time! I seen it all, fools swipin’ left n right, chasin’ tail like Daniel Plainview chasin’ black gold. “I drink your milkshake!”—ha, that’s me slidin’ in them DMs, takin’ what’s mine!

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After that, I decide to take a walk by the coast. The view from the Lungomare is breathtaking. The sea is all sparkly, and the sun is shining. I’m feeling good, ya know? But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief decides it’s his lucky day. I’m yelling, “Hey! That’s mine!” But he’s already flying away, sandwich in beak.

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