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Aight, mate, listen up! Me, Gollum, car instructor, yeh? We’s talkin’ erotic-massage today—precious, slippery stuff! We hates it! All them oily hands slidin’ round, ugh, nasty! Reminds me of *Under the Skin*, y’know? That flick—scarlet Johansson luring blokes, all sensual-like, then—bam!—they’re gone, sucked into goo! Erotic-massage got that vibe, sneaky and weird.

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So, I roll into work this mornin’, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already feelin’ the weight of the world. I mean, who wouldn’t? The streets of Rastignano are all quiet, but you can feel the tension in the air. I pass by Via Roma, and it’s like a ghost town. Just me and my thoughts, which, lemme tell ya, can be a dangerous combo.