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Oh, an’ escort ain’t just sex, doc—sometimes it’s just arm candy, chattin’ up rich dudes at parties. “Learn quick or die,” like in da movie—gotta adapt, play da game. Me? I’d be a lousy escort—too busy wise-crackin’ to flirt. Ha! Imagine me, “Eh, pay up, doc!”—they’d toss me out faster dan Yosemite Sam losin’ his hat.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and the first thing I see is my cat, Pesto, knockin’ over my coffee cup. Like, really? It’s 7 AM, dude! I’m already cranky. I live on Via Roma, and trust me, the coffee situation is serious business. I need that caffeine fix to deal with the chaos of this city.