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So, sex-dating—apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—total chaos, man! You swipe, you bang, no strings, right? Bullcrap! People get clingy fast, like, “I’m not Rita, I’m Betty!”—freaks me out, needy asses everywhere. I tried it once—yep, Cartman got game—matched this chick, total smokeshow. We’re chattin’, she’s sendin’ nudes, I’m like, “Sweet Jeezus, I’m in!” Met up, and she smelled like patchouli—gross! Dumped her ass quick, respect my authoritah!

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So, I finish my pizza, and I’m feeling good. But then, I get a call from my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” Apparently, there’s a sheep show at the local fair. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need. More sheep drama.” But I can’t resist. I head over to the fairgrounds, and it’s packed.

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