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Here’s the kicker—some say it “heals” ya. Bullshit. Little-known fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints masked as baths. Sneaky bastards. “I’m close to somethin’ here,” I growl, thinkin’ how they hide it in plain sight. Me? I’d rather skin a deer than let some oily creep “heal” me. Oh, and the music—flutes and crap? I’d smash the stereo. Hate everything.

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So I keep walking, and I hit Via della Libertà. There’s this street market, and I’m like, “Yes! Textures galore!” I’m snapping pics of fabrics, fruits, and even some weird-looking pottery. But then, outta nowhere, this old lady starts yelling at me. “No photos! No photos!” I’m like, “Chill, Nonna! I’m just admiring your wares!” But she’s not having it. I back off, but not before I get a shot of her glaring at me. Classic!

Italy to spend €2.9m to tackle invasion of aggressive blue crabs