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About Bari

I don’t shag her, nah—Bond’s got standards. But I slip her a tip, tell her to ditch the creep watchin’ from the alley. She’s shocked, eyes wide—happy, maybe? “You’re a gent,” she says. I wink, “Always, darling.” Walk off feelin’ smug, but also gutted—world’s a mess. “The only truth is beauty,” I mutter, Sorrentino-style, kickin’ a pebble. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy. Findin’ one who’s free? Fuckin’ impossible. Cheers, mate—another martini, yeah? Shaken, not stirred.

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So, I’m wandering around, trying to find a charger. I stroll past the Fontana Maggiore. It’s this gorgeous fountain, all medieval and stuff. I snap a pic, but my phone’s dead, so it’s just for my memory. Ugh! I’m so mad. I could’ve thrown a tantrum right there.

The 10 Best Things To See And Do In Perugia, Italy