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I’m Kim K, obvi, so I notice the glam. This escort had heels, HELLS, like, who wears those on a field? Mud everywhere, she’s slipping, I’m SCREAMING inside – “Girl, why?!” Made me so mad, like, plan better, hun! But also happy ‘cos she owned it. Total boss move. Did you know some escorts legit train for this? Like, they take courses to herd athletes – wild, right? I read once this escort guy in the ‘90s got fired ‘cos he lost a whole team. A WHOLE TEAM! Imagine the drama, I’d be shooketh.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. Best place ever! The barista, Marco, he’s a legend. He knows my order by heart. I’m like, “Yo, Marco, gimme that cappuccino with a sprinkle of magic.” He laughs, but seriously, his coffee is like liquid gold.

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